There are a number of things we can do to understand why we react the way we do, and techniques we can adopt to ensure that we develop a more balanced response.
1. Understand your triggers. Think about the triggers that lead you to react in a certain way – are these triggers the same when you are in different situations or scenarios? Are there certain actions/words/situations that always lead to a negative reaction? Or a positive one? By understanding what is triggering that reaction you can think about ways stop negative responses.
2. Trust your feelings. Many people don't necessarily trust what they're feeling. A good way to look at this is to ask yourself questions about the issue and to answer these impartially – as if you were looking in on the situation as a third-party. The answers you give will often give the same response as the intuitive feeling you already had.
3. Be courageous and honest with yourself. Understand your habits and rituals and assess which ones give a healthy response and which elicit an unhealthy response.
There are some things we can do to understand trigger situations and to assess our emotions while these are taking place. Some suggestions of actions we can take include:
1. Keeping a track of what you have done well, and what would you want to develop. It’s a good idea to do this at the end of the day and to have a balanced perspective of your day.
2. Ask for and listen to positive feedback.
3. Ask for negative feedback, ensure you understand why this is being given and then assess whether there are any action points you can take from this.
4. Be aware of how you are reacting to situations. If you can see that something will trigger a negative reaction take time out or change the focus of the discussion to stop the negative reaction.
5. Be aware of how others are reacting. When you're sensing other people and what's going on for them, you can adapt your own response to fit the situation.
A key attribute when you are looking at developing your emotional intelligence is to understand your personal power - that's the degree to which you believe you are in control of your own destiny.
Start by asking yourself: Have you got a goal? Do you know where you're going? What's your vision? How are you going to get there? If you don't have any of those things, it's going to be really hard for you to be emotionally in tune.
Other essential traits are flexibility, that ability to connect with others, and authenticity. You’re authentic when your actions align with your values and when you are true to these values. This will give you autonomy and help you to feel energised.
Another essential attribute is to develop relationships, both in the workplace and at home. Building relationships, and building trust within those relationship, can help you to understand what is affecting other peoples’ responses and how to ensure your reaction is appropriate.
Finally, it’s important to recognise that emotional intelligence is a skill that can be improved and evolved. Taking time to check your emotions and your responses is a critical way of developing it.
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Author: Adapted from a video on the ACT Career Hub from Amanda Wildman, executive coach, emotionally-i-fit