The other day a coach I know was talking about the ‘grief’ people are experiencing due to COVID-19, and how leaders are floundering under a heavy burden of fatigue. I thought I’d look at Kuebler-Ross’s ‘five stages of grief’ to see if there were any parallels, and if you are not familiar with them, they are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance…
Elisabeth Kuebler-Ross wrote a number of books about death, including On Death and Dying (1969), in which she developed the now popular model ‘the five stages of grief’. I remember reading her books in the 1980s, and found them fascinating (they talk about a lot more than only this model, so well worth a read). An interesting and often misunderstood aspect of Kuebler-Ross’s five stages hypothesis is that you don’t necessarily go through all the stages in sequence, but can actually jump about between them.
I thought about this, and reflected on what I am seeing across the business and treasury community, and I’d say I’m seeing all of these stages happening to a degree, but I’m not sure I’d draw such a parallel with bereavement as others have done. Some people (generally not that many that I know, but more from seeing it in the news or experiencing on the tube) are definitely in denial, I would say, and many are certainly not thinking or accepting that aspects of their lives may have changed for ever. I see actual anger less often, but it is there, particularly when people are not agreed in terms of what behavioural norms are acceptable. I myself feel that emotion bubbling up in myself when people ignore the clear rule to wear masks on the Tube. Bargaining is more of an internal matter, so less obvious to me (and I don’t recognise it in myself), but depression is something I see very clearly in so many people I come across, to both lesser and greater degrees. And to avoid this depression people sometimes take action which can then cause situations of anger in others, and of course represent denial in themselves. Acceptance then is the fifth stage of this model, and I think we are in a very similar situation to grief here, as I don’t see many people accepting a new world order within a short timeframe – which takes us back to denial. It will take a long time for us to accept that the world has changed due to COVID, if we ever truly do, and in that way our response is similar to grief.
But then this is not a bereavement (note: of course I am not talking about COVID-related deaths here, where of course the five steps will be applicable, but rather the overall impact of the pandemic on our community). We have lost some freedoms, and we are not sure where things are heading, so it’s more like a partial bereavement if there were such a thing.
My conclusion: it’s great drawing parallels, but I would not describe the current state of affairs in our community as one of grief. One of uncertainty, denial, frustration, fatigue and regret of what ‘might have been’, but also one of greater awareness of the environment and nature around us, of greater care for our loved ones, of innovation through disruption, and acceleration of technology and inclusion. Some things have been lost, even if perhaps temporarily, and some things have been gained – a general rule of the world seeking to achieve balance.
