How do you respond to adversity?
Do you automatically head for the light at the end of the tunnel? Or do you fear it is an oncoming train?
Optimism is an essential piece of our resilience armour. But where does it come from? How do we nurture it and what are its limitations?
Research has shown that optimists are higher achievers and have better overall health than their more pessimistic counterparts.
We become optimistic or pessimistic from an early age, developing either a growth or fixed mindset.
The growth mindset believes in the ability to learn and benefit from the learning experience. It sees failure as a ‘first attempt in learning’ and uses the information gained from that failure to do better next time. Failure brings reward.
A fixed mindset sees our abilities as static – our successes reflect our given ability. Therefore, effort is fruitless as the limitations in our innate abilities will always prevail.
The growth mindset is now felt to be so important that it is being taught in primary schools.
But for those of us who didn’t have the good fortune to be taught to be optimistic or to be naturally endowed with a growth mindset, the good news is that research suggests that both can be learnt, even later in life.
Three key areas of thinking can help us evolve a more optimistic outlook: perspective, time and objectivity.
When things go wrong, it can feel like the sky is falling in.
Taking a moment to regain perspective by counting the blessings we have and seeing the broader context allows us to remember that there is more to life than the one thing that has just gone wrong.
COVID-19 has been a stark reminder for many that if we have our health, food on the table and a roof over our heads, we are truly blessed.
If we experience a setback, things might be tricky for a while. But it’s not the end of the world.
This might sound glib, and there may be some emotional fallout to account for, depending on the nature and size of the situation. But looking at what we have rather than what we have lost helps us regain our balance.
Practising gratitude is a helpful way to root ourselves in the broader perspective.
No matter how bad our day has been, we can help ourselves by finding something to be grateful for each day.
Coupling this with noticing who we helped today and who helped us gives a sense of connectedness to others and stops us from feeling alone in our difficulty. We notice that this one thing is not going well – but that does not mean that all is not well.
Further context can be obtained by seeing the bad thing that has happened as transient. Believing that we can move on from unfortunate events prevents us from becoming stuck in them, defending us from the downward doom spiral.
This isn’t to say that if we just ignore today’s bad events, they’ll be better tomorrow. We need to look for our points of control and take action. But allowing ourselves to be re-energised by the knowledge that events are temporary helps us to keep moving forward.
In my clinical work, I am often struck by how my clients can move from the most difficult of life circumstances to a much happier place in a matter of months. This too shall pass.
I have to say, I’m really not a fan of the phrase ‘don’t take it personally’. It is normally uttered in the vicinity of poorly constructed negative feedback.
In this case, though, trying not to take it personally – whether it’s a work problem or a difficult passage in our life, or even that negative feedback – puts distance between us and the thing that has happened.
It allows us to see the episode as a problem to be solved rather than something that the universe has done to us because we somehow deserve it.
I have seen this element of learned optimism described as taking an approach of ‘never mind, it wasn’t meant to be’. I disagree with this sentiment, as this can erode our sense of agency in situations – making us a victim of circumstance and losing our sense of choice.
A sense of choice is core to retaining our resilience. Losing choice is a mere hop and a skip from ‘what’s the point in trying in situations that aren’t meant to be?’
Worse still, we can start to think our choices had no influence on the outcome and decide there is no point exploring how we got there. We can discount our responsibility and fail to learn better – the core of the growth mindset.
I prefer to think of this element of learned optimism as reminding us that we are defined not by the problem, but by how we solve it.
A problem arises – what will you do?
Will you wail and gnash your teeth, or will you be curious, open-minded and seek opportunities?
Stepping back from the problem and trying not to take it personally stops us from disappearing into the dark corners of our minds.
Asking objective questions like: ‘When have I encountered something like this before? What worked then? Who could I ask for advice? Where did it go wrong last time and how do I avoid that this time?’ brings us back to our problem-solving selves and puts a wedge between the ‘failure’ and us.
We can still go back and learn.
We also need to guard against blind optimism, which I can characterise as bravely resolving that ‘everything’s going to be fine, you’ll see’, as the building burns around us.
Optimism that things will work out for the best needs to be reinforced with responsibility for calling it when the situation is clearly not going to work itself out. Otherwise we become the gambler who keeps placing their chips on black ‘because this time it will come up’.
There will be times when our ability to engage our optimistic functions becomes depleted. In these moments, it is worth taking a quick check to HALT the onset of pessimism: are we Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?
It sounds simple, but these four beasts can be hard to spot when we are already stressed. We are not heads on sticks. Attending to our bodies and souls helps us get back into problem-solving mode. Eat a healthy meal, talk to a friend, sleep on it, and then come back firing on all cylinders.
So, we go back to the tunnel we found ourselves in at the beginning of this article. Both the optimist and the pessimist could be right.
Using these optimistic principles helps us look for solutions and be creative in difficult times. Then, even if the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train, we might be able to get the timing right to jump aboard.
Carol Dweck – TED Talk: The power of believing that you can improve (2014)
Martin Seligman – Book: Learned Optimism (1990)
Amanda Bradley FCT is an executive coach at Liberty EQ
This article was taken from The Treasurer magazine.